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Ottawa Brothel Computer Hacked: Hill in Panic

Photo: Possibly authentic hacking suspect

(SNN) - Parliament Hill bureaucrats and politicians alike were aghast when they received an email from a computer hacker claiming to have gained access to all of the customer and billing information of an Ottawa sex house. Apparently, according to one document, the brothel has managed to remain under the radar of authorities that weren’t customers for over a decade. Apparently disguised as a popular downtown restaurant, the basement contained a veritable playground of prurience and would even accept blank government purchase orders.

“Of course everyone is concerned about this,” admitted a highly placed official under condition of anonymity whom we will call Randy Andretti, who is not a CPC member from Calgary-Oxbow. “Most of the guys in the Minister’s office are soiling their Stanfields as are a few of the women. A full one-quarter of civil servants have already written letters of resignation, “just in case”, as have half of parliamentarians and about 65% of the senate.”

It appears one politician is in the clear, however. According to a Senator Dike Muffy (Not quite his real name) he was refused service their due to reservations expressed by the staff regarding weight restriction clauses in their contracts. He did say he did much better at the zoo with a bag of bananas.

No other official was willing to be quoted on the matter. Most responded with a curt, “no comment” but a dozen threatened legal actions and one advised us, “You’ll never take me alive, copper!”

Unaltered Photos: Some Right Reserved by Adam Thomas flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original images can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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