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Tequila Diet Helps Shed Weight, Inhibitions

Photo: The Medicine Chest

(SNN) - Following the numerous reports of a team of researchers from Mexico that discovered a chemical in tequila which helps with weight loss, diet guru, Dr. Miguel Pedro Jesus Smith has launched a book called “The Tequila Diet”. If embraced fully, Dr. Smith’s new regimen is guaranteed to help you lose weight and probably your job, house, and family.

The reports, found here, here, here, another one here, and one over there, all outline how research has shown that a type of sugar, called agavins, found in the agave plant from which tequila is made, reduces appetite and actually creates insulin in the body. This could help type-2 diabetics wean themselves off straight insulin and get really hammered. Dr. Smith, who is the head of cafeteria services at the prestigious Jose Cuervo University in Cancun, says that ingestion of agavins on their own should not be contemplated as one can only derive the full richness of the diet plan experience using tequila.

“It is a pillar of my weight loss plan that using full strength, high grade tequila is the only way for this system to work,” stated Smith. “The idea is not to use the tequila in conjunction with a balanced diet of fruits, vegetables and proteins, but instead of those things. I guarantee you, even though tequila has quite a few calories; it is much less than, say, an avocado or coconut which are supposed to be healthy. As a meal replacement, tequila really can’t be beat.”

Dr. Smith has an enormous array of endorsements from his clients who have been successful in his program. He provided a full list of his clients who are willing to be contacted to act as a reference, including addresses and cell numbers where applicable.

“I went through Dr. Smith’s tequila diet program and lost 85 pounds,” bragged Conchita Gomez, from her bed in the Betty Ford Clinic. “Of course, some of that was the liver they had to remove.”

“I am so happy with my new body!” claimed Rosalina Del Cueto. “Now that I am almost half the weight when I started, I don’t need nearly as much tequila to get wasted!”

“I am thrilled that I have been able to help so many people change problems,” beamed Dr. Smith. “Every problem is so much easier to deal with when you’re not fat.”

Unaltered Photo: Some Right Reserved by Sander van Zoest flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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