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'King of Creep' Forced Out of Retirement

Former Burger King Mascot Blames Obamacare

(SNN) - The Burger King, former mascot for the restaurant chain, is reluctantly back in the job market after he received a warning from the federal government informing him that he must purchase insurance on the new health insurance exchange by March 31, 2014 or pay a fine. Born in 1955, King is not yet old enough for Medicare. He told this Sage reporter that he has nearly exhausted his savings and can’t afford to buy the insurance, citing too many trips to McDonalds.

“I love their fries!” he explained.

In 2004, advertising agency, Crispin Porter & Bogusky, transformed King’s image from an animated figure to the 3D ‘King of Creep’, giving him strange, piercing eyes, a huge head and a bizarre, pointy beard. But in 2011, the Burger King franchise, now owned by 3G Capital, fired King after severing ties with the ad agency.

“You know my reputation,” stated King. “Who is going to hire a creepy dude who scared the crap out of customers back in the day?

He had a good point.

“After I got canned, I thought I could make money online,”  lamented King. “I might be creepy, but I’m an Internet meme! I thought I would get royalties every time someone shared a video of my work or mentioned me in a tweet or status update. But no, not a cent. Not even a Bitcoin!”

I asked him why the Feds would insist he purchase health insurance when he isn’t real.

“They don’t believe me when I tell them I’m not real! My buddy, Ronnie McDonald, even wrote a letter backing me on my claim, but they sent it back to me with a red “BS” stamped on the envelope! I think I’ll suggest that they contact the NSA; they know everything.”

I suggested that he look on the bright side of things. He can’t be denied coverage for pre-existing conditions. That has to count for something,

“Just think,” I said. “Now, you can get rid of your creepy maniacal look.”  But then I thought better of it.  “Or maybe not,” I mumbled. “That would be cosmetic surgery, which most likely won’t be covered in your policy. Too bad, God knows you need it!”

At that, he promptly ushered me out of his storage locker.

Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Ted Murphy flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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