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Barista Union Subs Decaf During AM Rush - City Crippled

Photo: City Hall Switchboard Problem Identified

(SNN) - Coffee baristas with all the major chains, including Starbucks in New York City, have formed a union and completed their first job action. To demonstrate their bargaining power, they sold decaffeinated coffee as the real thing for an entire morning shift. As a result, the coffee addicted city ground to a halt, as people began experiencing caffeine withdrawal symptoms.

“”It was horrible” claimed Constable Paddy O’Fernisher. “So many people fell asleep at the wheel that it snarled traffic all over the city. Those people who could stay awake were more manic than the PCP freaks we have to deal with. I am one of the lucky ones who drinks tea and had the sense to stay in the office and do paperwork during the crisis.”

The mayor’s office could not be reached for comment although rumors that all the senior officials and bureaucrats had fallen asleep at their desks were unconfirmed. It has been reported the first violent incident being attributed to this crisis was when a fistfight broke out at a Starbucks between nuns from two rival sisterhoods.  One of the events that were cancelled as a result of the crisis was an anger management symposium where one of the symposium’s speakers, Dr. Phil McGraw, punched out fellow orator, Charlie Sheen, due to an altercation over the last muffin.

The Baristas Workers of America also known as The Beansters, have released their manifesto and a $2.00, across the board, raise is expected to be approved immediately. 

Photo: Some rights reserved by agoode flickr photostream, The Sage nor the article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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