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Online News Agency Opens Cryptogoods eCommerce Retail Chain

Bitgoods trade publicly starting at $5.00 per share

(SNN) – Alberta based publisher, The Sage News Network (SNN) is pleased to announce the launch of its chain of cryptogoods online stores. “We are pleased to announce that our Bitgoods Sage Franchise stores launched last week with the opening of ten eCommerce stores.” advised SNN spokesperson, Bruno Vitorello, “B.S. Franchise went public within two days, trading at $5.00 per share. Today, we are trading at just over $35.00 per share.”

Bitgoods is a peer-to-peer virtual retail store business model whereby franchise owners sell cryptogoods to people online. It is called cryptogoods because the dry goods sold are hidden and virtual in nature. “The profits for the franchise holder are fantastic,” stated Bill Loney, B.S. Franchise holder. “My first week I displayed dry goods from high-end audio to jewelry and sold over one-hundred units.”

Market watchers are claiming that the business model for B.S. Franchise is a stroke of genius. The eCommerce stores never run out of inventory, shipping costs are virtually nil, and delivery of the bitgoods are instant. “The customer receives their bitgoods within seconds of the payment being approved,” advised Heidi Clare from Eduard James Financial Advisers.

Bitgoods retailers accept all major credit cards, and they are looking to accept PayPal in the near future. When asked if The Sage will authorize their franchisees to accept the cryptocurrency bitcoin, the response was quick. “No B.S. Franchise will ever accept bitcoin. It is not real money,” advised Bruno Vitorello. “We will never go there."


DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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