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Tim Rim Distracted Driver Totals New Car While Winning One

Photo: Police arrive to help with the take down

(SNN) - Darvin Flubert of Toronto, Canada was enjoying a cup of “Timmy’s” when he discovered a message in the rim of his coffee advising him he’d won one of the Toyota Corolla vehicles.  Flubert apparently became so elated with his windfall, he failed to notice a red stoplight and smashed into an unmarked police cruiser bearing the Chief of Police.

“I swear I wasn’t rolling up the rim while rolling down the road,” explained Flubert. “But I have a wicked under-bite and my right front tooth is a mite longer than my left, and I’ll be danged if I didn’t hook it on the rim by accident. Of course a feller’s going to look, once it’s exposed. That’s what fellers do.”

Flubert admits he had to really study the cup to see what it read.

“At first I thought I had just won a cruller,” said Flubert. “Then when I looked closer and spelled out how all the letters sounded, I realized I was the biggest winner I know. Then I hit that jerk cop.”

Flubert is being charged with distracted driving, reckless driving, driving without due care and attention, failure to stop at a stoplight, public endangerment, resisting arrest, assaulting a police officer, refusing a breathalyzer, obstructing a police officer, attempted murder,  plus citations for two broken headlights and a cracked windshield.

The Police Chief’s condition is listed as vengeful.

Photo: Some rights reserved by Jeffrey Beall flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. Original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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