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Petting Zoo Horror as Baby Goats Go Rogue

Photo: Pack of Killer Goats Force New Safety Protocols

(SNN) - A fun outing for the pre-schoolers of the Kalamazoo and District Kiddie Kennel daycare quickly turned to tragedy as the group of tots was attacked by a vicious herd of baby goats. The terrified children were stared at, nuzzled, bumped and even had their panicked faces licked. Parent chaperones and daycare staff alike were powerless to stop the aggression of the goats and over three children were removed from the facility suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

“It was horrible,” said one mom, fighting back tears. “Little Humphrey was just standing there when a goat purposefully came up and brush against him. He has never encountered anything like this at home or at the daycare, ever. These are the only places we have felt safe taking him up until now. The poor little guy was completely unprepared for the attack. Hopefully, with enough years of care and counseling, he will be able to lead a normal life again.”

“We have advised parents and group leaders over and over not to let the little ones have sugary snacks before visiting the animal pens,” countered Dr. Evert Doolittle, Chief Veterinarian of the Kalamazoo  Petting Zoo and Dinosaurium. “It is only natural for these creatures to want to lick the tasty sugar off the mouths of these kids. They wouldn’t hurt them, though. If we say the parents are over-reacting, we are vilified as being heartless. We do feel bad for those poor kids...  and by kids, I mean the baby goats.”

The owner of the petting zoo, Thomas “Tex” Critter, said the company has already begun to put in more safeguards to prevent a future incident. These include helmets with full face shields, leather gloves and layers of bubble-wrap for any child daring to enter the animal pens.

“If we save even one child from being brutalized by these animals and prevent a lawsuit, it is worth it,” claimed Critter.

PhotoSome rights reserved by CJ TravelTips flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endored. Original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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