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Class Action Filed Against St Valentine on Behalf of Singles

Photo: Principal Lawyer Arnold Grossenduhl

(SNN) - A lawyer for the internationally recognized legal firm, Beadem, Cheedum and Scroom, has filed documents with the federal court to start class action proceedings against the Roman Catholic Church in general and their representative, St. Valentine, specifically, for pain and anguish. The barrister, Arnold Grossenduhl, is also looking at including the Hallmark Greeting Card Company as a co-defendant.

“It is plain to see that many normal, nominally attractive, pleasant people who are by choice or chance, in between romantic relationships, all suffer greatly due to this annual assault on their self-image,” charged Grossenduhl. “These people can’t help but feel they are worthless. They are afraid they will be seen as social misfits like the naturally disfigured, the Michelin Man-sized obese, the horribly asymmetrical and many others that can only be described as butt-ugly.”

The suit seeks to reimburse all single people adversely emotionally affected by Valentine’s Day and to obtain an injunction against not just retailers from exploiting Valentine’s Day for crass commercialism, but also to stop all public displays of affection and love as being inappropriate.”

“Love and romance should be kept as private, as its evil, sinful and dirty nature demands,” claimed Grossenduhl.  “No one cares what you do in the privacy of your bedroom, so keep it to yourself.”

Grossenduhl refused to comment if the injunction would be extended to include Gay Pride parades. 

Photo by Chris McKerracher Sage News - Some Rights Reserved

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