news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Alberta MP Channels Charlton Heston

Photo: Group shot of the Blaine Calkins Fan Club.

(SNN) - Blaine Calkins, an obscure Tory backbencher who previously had a public profile so low it would take a team of undersea geologists to locate, has finally achieved his fifteen minutes of fame by doing Charleton Heston impressions.

The MP from the Leduc-Wetaskiwin constituency which is, if not the heart of Conservative country, at least the pancreas, spleen or some other semi-vital organ, was quoted by media outlets claiming Justin Trudeau “could only take his guns by prying them from his cold dead hands”. This is, of course, the popular line from Heston’s big movie hit, “The Care Bears Take Washington”.

Calkins, who is about as well known outside of his riding as the last number of pi, was elected with such a massive majority, he correctly guessed who the five people in his constituency were that voted for the other parties. This isn’t that much of an amazing trick, considering how Liberals stick out in Alberta like black guys at the Winter Olympics

However, having a history of being a solid Conservative backbencher hasn’t taken Calkins very far in the CPC ranks. Although he has been such a good soldier that he had his blood type changed, in case Harper ever needed a pint in an emergency, it has gotten him nowhere.  Now is his big chance.

Mr. Trudeau has responded to MP Calkins comments with mild confusion.

“I am not actually after Mr.... I'm sorry... Calkins was it? No, I'm not after his firearms although I can't speak for the RCMP in Alberta,” stated the Liberal Leader emphatically. “I noticed they had orange painted nozzles and assumed they were his kids’ toys. I am also not interested in touching my esteemed colleague’s cold, dead fingers, never mind prying on them, as that sounds totally gross and icky.”

Calkins has countered Trudeau’s statement by describing the Liberal leader as a “damned dirty ape”.

Photo: Some rights reserved by leadnow flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endored. Original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^