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Keystone XL Pipeline Will Now Bring Seawater to Alberta

(SNN) - After five years of analysis and millions of dollars in lobbyist fees, US and Canadian leaders have proposed an ingenious compromise for the heated debate over the Keystone XL pipeline.

Instead of sending tar sand oil south from Alberta, the US will send tar-rich water north from the Gulf of Mexico.

The breakthrough came when proponents and critics agreed that oil and sea water don’t mix, but both are valuable.

Dirty water from the Gulf can be used to replenish dirty water from tar sand oil extraction. The imported sea water can be used to provide simulated ocean front living opportunities for landlocked Canadians.

Hailed as a great leap forward in US-Canada relations, this approach meets both governments’ top goals of job creation, energy independence, and plausible deniability for exporting climate change.

Additional benefits accrue from lowering the water levels in the Gulf of Mexico to reduce hurricane risk and to provide Texans with another reason to dislike Canada.

But no agreement this big can be a win-win unless someone loses.

US and Canadian towns along the Keystone XL route have expressed disappointment over losing the possibility of large insurance settlements from the inevitable pipeline leaks. The disappointment was offset with the promise of a hundredfold increase in tanker train traffic that offers even larger lawsuit potential from the inevitable crashes, spills and explosions.

Photo: Some rights reserved by Duffernutter flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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