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High Court OK's Right To Die With New 'Opting Out' Clause

'It only makes sense since people should be happy all the time.'

(SNN) - Canada's Supreme Court has ruled that it is a person's right to end their life at a time of their own choosing. In a decision called "Approving the Slippery Slope", the high court created a gradual implementation of what is being referred to as everyone's personal opting out clause.

As per the report, the initial instances where people will have a legal right to a physician assisted death will be where there is excessive pain with no hope of improvement in the prognosis for the patient. A year later, it will include people with no apparent brain function, although members of parliament and the press gallery will be exempt as usual.

Eventually, however, the court plans to expand the list of approved reasons to include these issues:

  • Loss of bowel control.
  • Loss of The Big Game by favourite team.
  • Incurable, chronic, clinical depression.
  • Incurable, chronic, clinical ugliness.
  • Having bad thoughts.
  • Having bad gas.
  • Having bad fashion sense.
  • Being broke and a worthless bum.
  • Being a rich, successful rock star.
  • Cause you had a bad day, You’re taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around.
  • Nasty hangnail.
  • Family tired of you and need their inheritance early
  • Just need a break from it all.
  • Missed the final episode of “The Bachelor”.

The court is anticipating there will be many openings in the job market as a result of their judicial ruling. They feel the new freedoms  will particularly impact people in high pressure jobs such as police, firemen and judges on the Supreme Court.

PhotoSome Rights Reserved by Bob Linsdell flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. Original picture here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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