news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Man Refuses Brother Life Saving Bacteria Donation

Photo: Gives "Meeting in a dark alley" a whole new meaning.

(SNN) - A family drama is being played out in a Poughkeepsie courtroom as brothers Don and John MacDonald fight over who owns bodily waste, once it has left the body. The case surrounds a medical problem that John had suffered that required his gastrointestinal tract be totally cleansed of all matter. The treatment saved his life, but killed off all his good bacteria. To repopulate his gut with a bacterial mix closest to his own, he needed a donation of fecal matter from a close relative.

"It is a very simple, effective, inexpensive way to restore equilibrium to a person's GI tract," testified Dr, Colin Cameron at the hearing. "Although everyone's mix of bacteria is unique, family members share many similarities in their bacterial sets. Once a sample is obtained, it is rendered free of anything harmful and then introduced into the patient through the nose or by mouth, whatever the patient prefers. In this case, however, apparently the one brother just doesn’t give a crap.”

According to court documents, John and his brother are estranged. The court heard how John had set out to steal some excrement from his brother. He is admitted to rigging Don's toilet to capture a sample of his waste. Police were called in when the attempted theft was discovered after the toilet overflowed when the spring loaded collection scoop John had installed malfunctioned and fell into the bowl.

“Police have charged Mr. MacDonald with breaking and entering, trespassing and theft under,” said police spokesperson, Det. Raymond Chandler. “Still, it is a sad day when one realizes one must steal crap to survive.”

Photo: Some rights reserved Jason Meredith  flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^