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Central Park Boy Raised by Pack of Wild Gerbils

Photo: Gerbidiah's Step-Brothers Rounded Up for Questioning

(SNN) - ASPCA officials are looking into reports of a young male, nicknamed “Gerbidiah”, who has been spotted in New York’s Central Park living with a large pack of feral gerbils. The animal protection officials had been called in to relocate the gerbil infestation to the same “farm” where they sent biting dogs.  It was during the initial headcount by the urban biologists that revealed the young human residing amongst the rodents.

“When we first sighted the little fellow, we thought he was just a very large, bald gerbil with opposable thumbs,” explained rodentologist, Igor Beaver. “He was eating what we believed to be gerbil pellets but upon further investigation, they turned out to be gluten-free snacks. So far he has evaded capture, although we are talking to the fire department to see if they can flush out the gerbil’s network of tunnels and burrows.”

Animal rights group, PETA, has representatives at the park protesting the flushing plan by trying to chain themselves to the gerbil holes.  Their spokesperson, Herb Avore, had this to say about his organization’s presence in the park.

“PETA is very concerned about the plight of the gerbils and the harm that would come to them if they were trapped in flooded burrows,” said Avore.  “As far as the human goes, it’s not our problem.”

Child welfare officials brought in to consult on the matter have said that they cannot get involved in splitting up a family, even an adoptive one, without a court order. They suggested the matter is the responsibility of the New York Parks Department anyway and have already closed their file on the matter.

Photo: Some rights reserved benmckune flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

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