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Justin Bieber says he is officially retiring

Seasoned Performer tired of working, says he's entitled to benefits


(SNN) – Pop sensation, movie star and philanthropist Justin Bieber, has announced he is retiring. Bieber, who has appeared in TV shows like CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and has a discography the length of a Kraft noodle says that he is tired and will be tossing in the towel after his next album is released.

In an exclusive interview with The Sage, Bieber was rather candid about his decision to end his stunted career. He had this to say to our reporter. “I'm retiring. I'm quitting music, no, yeah, no, I going to golf.”

With so much detail coming from Team Bieber, the press core is forced to interpret the full details of this breaking story. “Justin has worked his ass off for no less than one thousand days,” came a statement from a Bieberite, “Nobody works harder than our Justin, that's for sure, not even a North Korean labourer.”

With snide investigative prowess, The Sage has learned that the Queen Elizabeth II Diamond Jubilee Medal winner has applied for CPP (Canada Pension Plan) and is looking to cash in two years of Canada Savings Bonds to make ends meet. “I don't know what poor J.B. will do without a steady income,” advised the Bieberite. “He may have to sell off his Jubilee Medal on eBay, or take a greeters job at Walmart."

Bieber was not available for further comment.


DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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