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Writers' Guild Attacks Cell/Smart-Phones

'These Devices Are Ruining Our Craft'


(SNN) - The President of the Mystery and Horror Writers Guild of the World and Parts of Canada, Melodie 'Blood n Guts'' Campbell, has released a statement on behalf of their group, calling for the ban on all cell phone and smart-phone devices. The literary leader lambasted both manufacturers of the equipment, as well as users of them, for making her guild members work much harder with no monetary compensation for the extra effort.

“Do you know how difficult it is being a horror writer nowadays?” lamented Campbell in the statement. “Before cell phones, it was so easy to get a bunch of teenagers into an abandoned house and pick them off one by one. Now, that is impossible.”

Campbell went on to explain that, thanks to iPhones and their ilk, having a group of teenagers go somewhere for a thrill, like an abandoned house, is now as unlikely as getting them to help with household chores, since they’re too busy texting their friends. Worse yet, even if you manage to get them in the house, with everyone owning a smart-phone, if there was trouble, the teens would just call the police or other friends to help them. Their entire ordeal would be on Facebook, Twitter and Kik with pictures of the assailant on Pinterest, Instagram and Flickr before you could say, “Jeffrey Dahmer”.

“Now, instead of going right to the action, we have to all come up with elaborate ways to rid characters in our books of their phones and tablets,” explained Campbell. “That can take a whole chapter at times. Our only other recourse is to set all our books in eras before cell phones. No young reader will be able to relate. “

Campbell said the group won’t be satisfied until they are recompensed by the government; although saying their collective is non-threatening, Campbell did mention the resourceful ways her members have of killing people.


Photo by Kenley Neufeld flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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