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Xmas Newsletter 2013: We Put the Fun in Dysfunctional

Greetings friends!

This is the time of year when we Americans count blessings on one hand and credit cards with the other.

'Tis the season to eat, spend and send out holiday updates that make us look better than we actually are.

First off, the family is fine. Mostly.

I’m sure you parents will agree that our children take us into new places--like juvenile court. That said, Junior is doing better in kindergarten his second time around.

As you may know, we lost our in-laws in 2008.

They found us again this year.  After a successful plea bargain, they have agreed to enter rehab and not attempt another escape.

We continue to be surrounded by miracles like the stray dog that had puppies on our front porch. We kept the two she didn’t eat.

Are we resourceful? You betcha! This winter, we’ll use an old Xbox to heat our home until the landlord fixes the furnace. He insists we pay the back rent first, but we know our rights.

Last summer, our annual “staycation” took us into the back yard for the first time. Sadly, we lost one of the abovementioned puppies there.

Thank God for our health. One of us lost a lot of weight, but the other found it. We are now practicing voluntary simplicity by avoiding gluten-free products.

On the spiritual front, we’re happy to announce that our church board has been cleared of most wrong-doing. Good news: Our courageous outreach pastor will continue his missionary position.

We’ll keep this update short and sweet because we know many of you are struggling and it seems wrong for us to brag about how great things are going for us.

Thank you for your ongoing friendship and debt forgiveness.

Photo by: Karen White flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed


DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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