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Canada Battles Domestic Terrorists: Phallac de liberation du Quebec

Operation Exposes Canadian Black Opts Unit

(SNN) – With the outing of Seal Team 6, the top secret black ops U.S. Navy Seal Unit, a new report from Ottawa exposes a Canadian counterpart.

Seal Team 6 was the unit that entered and breached the sovereignty of Pakistan and executed Osama Bin Laden on May 2nd, 2011.

Now, as a result of a covert operation in Canada, a top secret 'black ops' Canadian Military Unit has been exposed.

Canada's Answer to Seal Team 6

“It is true,” advised an insider, “Canada has been operating an active black operative unit connected with the Canadian Airborne known to a select few as Beaver Team 1.”

The Sage has learned that Beaver Team 1 have been used in operations mostly on Canadian soil, and have yet to be deployed outside national boundaries. “Canada is known to be less invasive than our neighbours to the south," advised Minister of Defence Rob Nicholson. “We need to thoroughly test the mettle of Beaver Team 1 before we risk exposing them to the outside world.”

It was learned that to date, Beaver Team 1 has been used to protect the 'nice and polite' status of Canada by covertly removing any indication that Canadians can be as morally challenged as “Those other people,” advised Nicholson.

Formed in 1960, Beaver Team 1 proved itself by using first camera techiques to photograph Gerda Munsinger, an alleged East German prostitute and Soviet spy, screwing a number of cabinet ministers in John Diefenbaker's government. Little did Munsinger and the Canadian Cabinet know that there was more than one active Beaver in the room at the time.

Beaver Team 1 on home soil.

Today, Beaver Team 1 have been covertly protecting Canadians from obscenities in public areas and protecting the national reputation of Canadians. “An organized group of morality terrorists have been travelling Canada in an effort to subvert the minds of young Canadians and at the same time embarrass the Harper Government,” stated Nicholson. “As a result, I have deployed the Beavers.”

Throughout Canada, a group only known as Phallac de libération du Québec (PLQ), have been trimming bushes into the shape of the penis at locations close to international meetings held in Canada. “Beaver Team 1 have been actively gnawing on bushes and removing any hint of penile intrusion,” reported Nicholson.

The latest incident which drew national attention when it was reported by the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Company), was located in a park in Windsor Ontario. “It was mind numbing,” advised Windsor resident Bob Mackenzie. “Like, eh, I was riding the bus, then without notice, eh, I seen this big dick sticking out of the ground. It was was huge and green, and crawling with some kinda beetles.”

The Sage followed-up with Mackenzie a few days later to discover that the Beavers had been in Windsor. “The penis is gone, eh, the bush looks like it was chewed away to nothing.”

Photo: A Phallus Bush - The work of subversives in Windsor, ON. (photo credit: the Windsor Square)

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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