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Eco Groups Clash Over Christmas Trees

Faux Foliage Fans Fight Furiously as Fir Flies

(SNN) - Members of PETS, People for the Ethical Treatment of Spruce, were arrested Thursday, along with anti-petroleum activists from rival organization, Oil Be Screwed, after a violent clash between the two groups at a Walmart parking lot in Muncie, Indiana.

The competing NGO’s had met by accident; their tree protests were inadvertently scheduled for the same day. The two eco-orgs apparently disagree over whether natural Christmas trees are better for the environment than artificial ones. When the conversation became heated, both groups began using their picket signs as weapons. One man was taken to the hospital with a sign saying “Tree Peace for All” lodged in his posterior.

“Cutting down a fresh tree every year as some kind of sacrifice to Santa is pretty messed up,” claimed avowed tree hugger arboreal enthusiast and self-proclaimed hippy, Rainbow Lovestar Rabinowitz. “Why must we kill a living thing when we can just mass produce trees that last for years and years?”

“Using farmed trees, grown specifically for the Christmas market, is an ethical use of natural resources,” claimed OBS spokesman, Ed Lipid. “It is unconscionable to use a non-renewable resource to make fake trees when we can grow them naturally.”

Police say it took over an hour to quell the disturbance and that over a dozen people were arrested. They said it was hard to tell the two groups apart since they both were wearing David Suzuki t-shirts.

Photo by: Kiran Jonnalagadda flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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