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Santa Rules Rob Ford Too Naughty For Christmas Parade

Jolly Elf Sends Mayor Copy of 'Nice' List With Ford's Name X'ed Out

(SNN) - It will be a very bleak Christmas for Rob Ford this year. The second most famous Christmas figure of them all (and gaining ground on Jesus) Santa Claus himself, has written a letter to the Toronto mayor condemning his outrageous behavior. In the missive, Father Christmas lambasted Ford for his naughty ways and threatened the worst of all punishments; coal in his stocking.

“I am sorry, Robbie,” wrote Claus in a letter leaked to the Sage from sources within the Mayor’s office, “Because you have been such a bad, bad boy, it will be a very different Christmas for you this year. I cannot let your drinking, drug use and what you do in the dark by yourself, go unpunished. I hereby declare you “persona non grata” at my annual parade being held in downtown Toronto.”

The elf went on to say he understood Ford’s situation but could not turn a blind eye when the issues became so public.

“I’ve always known you were on the naughty side,” said Claus to Ford in the letter. “But I, too, liked to have a pipe now and again. I had to bow to public pressure, though, and give it up just like you will have to. Do I miss it? Darned right, I do! But you either listen to your family, your friends, and especially your marketing people or you end up in big trouble, just like you are right now.”

It has not been confirmed but soon after the letter would have been received by the mayor’s office, this classified showed up in Kjiji, Craig’s List and a number of other similar sites.

“Wanting to trade: Drugs for coal. Lots and lots of coal. Contact Box 666. Ask for ‘His Worship’.”

Photo by: Tomas flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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