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Western Canada Frolics as Horrific Blizzard Hits

Photo: Throngs of Celebrants Compete in Snow Angel Event

(SNN) - Canadians from the western Rockies to parts of Manitoba, experienced the wrath of Old Man Winter for the first time this season amid joyous celebrations. Across the west, citizens reveled in the inclement weather; building snowmen, creating snow angels and streaking naked to the closest hospital’s frostbite ward. Festivities included fashion shows featuring the latest styles in -40 footwear, balaclavas and parkas. The long, thermal underwear models were, as usual, particularly hot. 

Celebrations dotted the map in the entire extreme weather warning area. Cities and towns in the gale-ravaged areas called in to Blizzard Central with their contribution to the fun; sharing their excitement as the three feet (30 cm) of snow was whipped across the prairies at 50 MPH (800 km/hour).

For example, Provost, Alberta brought in the first blizzard with fireworks that fizzled in the teeth of the gale, much to the delight of thousands of onlookers. The local fire department that always oversees community fireworks activities, promised not to waste the soggy fireworks they recovered as they will save them for the New Year’s Christmas tree burn. The fire department often turns an indulgent blind eye to fireworks use in the town, as a result of a childhood incident with a firecracker.

In Corrobert, Saskatchewan, residents stood arm in arm creating a human snow fence to honor, or, as they say in Canada, “honour”, the prevailing northwesterly winds. It is a ritual they have been observing for over a year. In a repeat of last year’s ceremony, just before hyperthermia began to set in on the sick and the elderly, Public Safety officials forced the celebrants into vans and transported them to the community center for hot cocoa and cookies.

In Red Deer, Alberta, along the famous “Gasoline Alley” service area for vehicles heading between Calgary and Edmonton, the cars were playing an exciting game of QEII Curling on the perfectly iced and pebbled road surface. It was reported but not confirmed that the first three vehicles in the ditch were tow trucks, giving the company, Been Nice Towing You, the title of First Blizz Wiz; 2013.

Gordon Norden, of the Winter Welcome 2013 coordinating committee, was happy to announce they believed this was the most successful year for participation in blizzard-related activities. They did not have the hard numbers, as yet, as the snow took out their satellite and wifi, not to mention the fact most of the data analysts couldn’t get in to work due to the blizzard.

Photo by:Golampo flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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