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Sasquatch dead at 109

Pop icon leaves with cult status legacy

(SNN) - He went by many names, Yeti, Bigfoot, Yowie; but the big man himself loved and worshipped by thousands, Sasquatch, died today at the age of 109. Sasquatch was found stone cold dead on the steps of the Georgia State Courthouse. Georgia's Chief Medical Examiner pronounced him officially dead in the following statement, “It is my sad duty to report that Sasquatch dropped dead suddenly of a myocardial infarct, brought on by stress.”

According to a spokesman from the Sasquatch Foundation, a fundraising arm of the BFRO, the stress of a long-winded lawsuit against the estate of jazz musician Louis Armstrong was just too much for Quatch. “We have been broiled in a lawsuit against the Armstrong Family for over fifty years,” advised Henri Paterman. “It was a case of Quatch defending his good name, and the stress just became too much.”

According to court documents the Sasquatch Foundation is suing the Louis Armstrong Estate for a trade mark violation, and was looking to recapture his original title given to him by the natives of northern Siberia.

“We are not letting go,” advised Paterman. “We will honour him by fighting to restore his rightful name, “Satchmo”

Worshipped by many, Sasquatch was a star of many movies. His first big break came in 1967 when he landed a starring role in the movie Gimly Gliding in the Bushes, directed by Rodger Paderson. “By far, the Paderson film was his biggest hit.” concluded Henri.

Partial Filmography:

(1967) Gimly Gliding in the Bushes (Rodger Paderson)
(1994) The Man named Paul but I am Free (Himself)
(1996) Lembo Lake: My Summer Camp (Rob Pidgeon)
(1996) Remembering Memorial Day (Laurie Patee')
(2005) Munching in Kentucky (Adrianna Fredrickson)
(2007) My Baby in a Tree (Bill Evangels)
(2007) Barefoot in Estes Park (James Folder)
(2008) Now you see me: The Manatee County Incident (Himself)
(2009) Kazakhstan or Bust (Himself)
(2009) My Big Foot in Siberia. (Himself)
(2009) Tatra Mountian High (Himself)
(2010) Encounter at Hare Point (Kris Nowel)
(2011) Duel: Hunted by Helicopter.(Himself)
(2011) Quatching in the Crimea (Himself)
(2011) Skunk Ape in Alaska (Himself)

Photo: Some rights reserved by CultrVultr flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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