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Security: Airports to introduce Self Serve Screening Devices

(SNN) - A Palo Alto based company has introduced the worlds first fully automated security checkpoint devices, which speed up terminal processes and allow passengers to clear themselves through security. “Since the emergence of full body x-ray screening, human rights activists have been calling for reforms,” stated Edward Rooney head of airport security at the LAX. “We have found a cache of weapons and paraphernalia tucked away in places you cannot imagine.”

But imagine they did, as inventors from Kylar Corporation of Palo Alto have created a clever self serve screening security station. “We have developed a full body search system that is private, painless and allows the passenger to “self serve” the process,” advised chief engineer Elano Busqueda. “In the event a weapon is found, security is alerted and the person has already been identified."

According to a Kylar press release, the company has begun offering automated security checkpoints, after running small-scale tests of the machines in airports and sporting arenas. “At the heart of our idea is the basic Silicon Valley premise that machines can do an increasing number of jobs better than people,” advised Busqueda.

The Sage has learned that the system looks for the person's identity through fingerprints, then scans the person for weapons, explosives and smuggled goods through sonar processes examining body cavities and folds, places typically used to hide paraphernalia.

The system is not cheap. According to market research, each device will cost 1.5 million dollars. The average airport will need a minimum of ten stations costing upward of 150 million dollars start-up costs.

The cost of privacy.

Not to be outdone, a small company in Canada has an alternative solution. Winnipeg Tool & Die Ltd., a long time agricultural implement manufacturer, claims that they have produced a similar device at a third of the cost. “We are a way ahead of the Americans when it comes to the self serve airport security systems,” advised Percy McFeal. According to industry sources, the Canadians have been testing their self serve station in airports in St. John's Newfoundland with great success for six months. “Our test market was very successful. They are rather popular with travellers in that city,” advised McFeal.

“Those American always look too long and hard on stuff,” advised McFeal. “They spend millions on electronics and their machine can only do half the job.” McFeal was quick to add, “Instead of spending millions on electronics, we went back to our roots.” The Canadian solution is a full mechanical screening system.

Winnipeg Tool & Die's solution is reported to not only locate the paraphernalia on a person, but it also instantly retrieves it.

The Sage has learned that the first compete conversion to the Canadian system is scheduled to take place in January of 2014 at the Edmonton International Airport.

Photo: Some rights reserved by Stuart Hines flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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