news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Obama Administration issues Quebec Resolution 69.

Acting Governor Marios seeks separation from Union for Quebec.


(SNN) - With the news that Quebec was sold to the United States, (SEECanada Sells Quebec to the United States.) legislatures in both the Territory of Quebec, (State in waiting) and the Obama administration, are hammering out contingency plans to acclimate the new American citizens into the American way of Life.

Former Provincial Premier, Pauline Marois, appointed acting Governor of the new territory, has contacted President Obama in an effort to serve notice that Quebec intends to separate from the Union: form a new country called New France, and have the Statue of Liberty moved to the east boundary of the City of Montreal. “We believe da, lady will finally be at 'ome in Montreal,” advised Marois, “It was really mean't to be gifted to da people of Lower Canada from France, and now it shall be finally fulfilled.”

Word from the White House on the demands from Marois was met with indifference. In a media scrum, White House spokesperson Chips O'Toole announced an outline of the Quebec Acclimation Resolution 69 which states in part:

  1. Quebec's official languages can be chosen by the people of that great territory, with choices of either English or Spanish.
  2. Labour standard shall be increased by recognizing a new minimum remuneration for wages earned. Minimum wages shall be set at $7.25 per hour.
  3. All people who turned twenty-one years of age since 2000 shall be required to take the SAT test. Test Scores of 600 or under will require the person take high school upgrading at an American post secondary institution.
  4. The metric system has been replaced with the US Standards of Units.
  5. Green Cards will be issued to all Residents.
  6. Poutine will be outlawed.
  7. Obamacare will be mandatory.
  8. The penny will be reinstated as legal tender.

President Obama has not been available for comment.


RELATED NEWS: Canada Sells Quebec to the United States.


Photo: Some rights reserved by aa7ae flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
More from Brian K. Hahn

 

Recent

Most Viewed

Promote Your Business


Social Activity



Top ^