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Global News Team Abducted by Aliens


(SNN) - It was just another normal daily telecast of the noon hour news. Shaye Ganam and Jennifer Crosby started their news stories like any other normal telecast until12:03, and they were just about to go to the weather forecast when they simply slowly faded out at their desks. Eyewitness say that they both started to go transparent. "All of a sudden, you just start to see through them," said online producer Emily Mircsh. "Shaye was just announcing that we were going to the weather when he stopped and had a very terrified look on his face." Then they were gone!

The producers and camera crew were shocked and they continued broadcasting live for what viewers are saying was a very long time. Shortly after, Global News went to commercials. The broadcast was continued when the Global News team from Calgary took over.

The Edmonton City Police are investigating the disappearance of Shaye and Jennifer and are asking anyone that saw the broadcast to call the InvestigativeTeam Hotline at 780-387-5340. Inspector Stewie Flatulence is also asking that witnesses not talk about what they saw to anyone other than the police who are investigating the incident. The 632,231 people that were tuned into the news cast are being asked to call police alphabetically to avoid clogging up the telephone lines. People whose last name starts with "A" are to phone in this afternoon at 3 pm. and then "B" at 4 pm and so on..

"Someone out there knows what happened to Shaye and Jen and we are going to find who is responsible for their disappearance," said Inspector Flatence. We know that CTV have been envious with the popularity of the Global News team and their recent awards and feel that the CTV may very well be responsible for the disappearance of these two very popular television personalities."

"I know they were talking with Chris Angel about doing something for CTV," advised a former disgruntled employee of CTV. "I overheard them talking about doing a live broadcast of a disappearing act that would be spectacular," she said. The disgruntled employee would not not give us her name. A spokesperson for CBC, after seeing the tape, said "See I knew that they taped those supposedly live broadcasts, that is the only way that trick photography could be done. The CBC would never tape a live broadcast and we don't even know how to fade someone out like that cause we have tried with Don Cherry and Coaches Corner".

Staff from a local bar near the Global Studios on the south side of Edmonton said they saw a weird blue light surrounding the building right around noon that day. "It just sort of pulsed from light blue to green and then was gone," said one of the witnesses. The International Airport also reported a brief blip over the Edmonton area right around noon, but it was gone in less than a minute. "It had to be just a glitch in the equipment because nothing could move that fast," said Ron Beldman, an aircraft controller at the International Airport.

If you happen to see Shaye or Jenn please have them contact Global television as soon as they can.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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