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Canadians Bracing for Influx of Angry Tea Party Groupies

TP Leader: "That's it! I'm goin' to Canada!"

(SNN) BREAKING NEWS: Prime Minister and Conservative Party leader, Stephen Harper, is desperately trying to calm frightened Canucks, who are alarmed at learning of a planned invasion by angry Tea Party supporters. The word on the streets, besides ‘eh’, is that a gaggle of star-struck TP groupies, who have been hanging around Ted Cruz, are flippin’ angry at the ego-inflated, ultra-beyond-belief conservative U.S. Senator and his fellow flawmakers for failing to stop Obamacare. They are so angry that they plan to flee the U.S. into Canada. Rumor has it that Harper, who is frantically pacing around Parliament Hill while trying to reassure a growing crowd of concerned Canadians, is plenty worried that there are not enough border agents to cover all 8,891 kilometers of the International Boundary, leaving them vulnerable to being TP’d.

“These Tea Party extremists will drain our resources!” Harper lamented. “We just can’t let them in!” It has been reported that a desperate Harper has contacted his frenemy, Liberal Party leader, Justin “Pantene Boy” Trudeau, to ask that he bring in reinforcements. He quickly agreed and got on the phone to ask for help from his favorite hair stylist at Byblos in Ottawa.

Getting wind of the intense situation, this Sage reporter caught up with the all-girl group of furious Teabaggers, Cruz’s Cuties, to get a statement. “Teddy promised us he would dump the government and that we could just get sick on our own!” wailed lead Cutie and Texas ranch hand, Antee Bama."  Now, look what happened! Our once adorable senator got so busy gazing in the mirror that he forgot to do all that non-stop talkin’ in that there Senate House and now Obama is back trying to tell us what to do! That’s it! I’m going to Canada! I’m takin my girls with me. No boob in that big ol’ white house is gonna tell us what to do!”

When we informed Antee and the Cuties that Canada has a publicly funded, single payer healthcare system that will take care of their health needs, Antee broke into a big grin, “Hey, it’s not Obamacare!”  

At this writing, we have learned that Harper and Trudeau have successfully reached across party lines in a brilliant plan to prevent the groupies from entering Canada and becoming a drain on resources. Trudeau has committed legions of ultra- liberal volunteers to guard the borders, virtually assuring that Cruz’s groupies will turn around and go home.

Photo: Some rights reserved by abdallahh flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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