news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Gitmo To Become Adventure Tourism Resort

Facility to Offer Water Sliding, Wave Boarding, Water Boarding


(SNN) - In an effort to recover some of the billions of dollars spent harboring suspected terrorists and war criminals at the American base in Cuba, the Pentagon has adopted a plan to convert the much-reviled facility into a money-making proposition. In an effort to appeal to the new class of tourists looking for something beyond casinos, beaches and quaint local markets, the government is planning on creating a vacation getaway like no other.

“This will be a very popular choice amongst the braver touristy elements out there,” claimed chairman of the committee making the recommendations, Major Lee Skrood. “This is for those people interested in the new extreme tourist experiences now available like going iceberg climbing or joining expeditions to club your own Harp seal. These new travel consumers want something really different and that’s what we are offering.”

The army has produced a glossy pamphlet on their new resort complete with a cover image of a skimpily dressed couple walking hand in hand on Guantanamo beach. A monitoring drone is pictured in the air behind them, capturing every moment of their idyllic holiday. The inside offers a menu of activities such as staying awake for days on end, getting the chance to be stripped and humiliated, as well as being serenaded to the eventual solace of sleep by heavy metal music cranked to the max.

The Guantanamo Bay Resort Restaurant and Lounge also offers a range of theme-based fare, including gruel soup, gruel casserole, and for dessert, gruel a la mode. The pastry chef on staff is world class and makes the tastiest cakes anywhere, many with a metal file inside for a small surcharge. There is also a complimentary continental breakfast available on weekends for those who inform on their fellow guests.

“We believe this is a very exciting opportunity to get a return on our infrastructure investment in the region,” said Skrood proudly. “We guarantee visitors will come away from the experience as changed people. Councilors will, of course, be available to help tourists with the transition back to mainstream society; if they are ever released, of course.”


Photo by: Official US Navy Image flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
More from Chris McKerracher

 

Recent

Most Viewed

Promote Your Business


Social Activity



Top ^