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Alta MLA Facing U.S. Hooker Hiring Charges Urged to Shop Locally

Mike Allen Has Sex Workers On Both Sides


(SNN) - Progressive Conservative (an oxymoron much like jumbo shrimp) Member of the Alberta legislature for Fort McMurray-Wood Buffalo, Mike Allen, is getting indignation directed at him from all sides. The northern Alberta MLA, who looks likes like Actor, Max Wright who played the dweebish dad figure in the TV show ALF, only uglier, is being taken to task by local escorts for taking his business out of the area.

"What is wrong with the local girls?" sneered sex trade worker, Dandi Knockers, who goes by the street name 'Eunice'. "Aren't we good enough for him? It seems fiscally prudent for elected officials to source necessary goods and services from area businesses, instead of going to the states. They always end up paying too much what with the exchange, transportation, duties and all. Paying for sex is even legal here but not in America, so why go there? It’s like a guy from Colorado going across the border to Nebraska to smoke pot.

Not all women working their fingers to the bone in the industry were so critical of Allen, however. There are sex trade groups supporting the MLA, saying they are glad he is still their choice for leadership of their constituency. The Canadian Union of Tantric Escorts has even lovingly nicknamed him, "Wood Buffalo". Their spokes-hooker, sporting a very short skirt that revealead an artificial limb, who goes by the name, Peg, was understanding of the errant MLA.

"I think people should lay off of the poor guy. Have you seen his picture?" snickered Peg. "The only way he's getting any is if he pays for it, especially if he's married. The last thing we need are leaders making important decisions while suffering from sexual withdrawl psychosis. Look at what it has done to Stephen Harper."

Fort McMurray Baptist Church elder, Millicent Vanilli, was shocked, however, that her candidate in the election would succumb to carnal urges. 

"I have been a God-fearing woman all my life and never needed any loving other than what I get from my cats," spat the octogenarian bachelorette. "Ignoring sinful thoughts never did me any harm. I say we should leave the man to God's eternal mercy, which shall surely damn his rotting, fetid soul to the sulpherous stench of hell for all of eternity! Paying for sex, indeed. And what is wrong with the local girls, anyway?"


Photo by: Rene Emca flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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