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Harper Pushes Convict Organ Harvesting Plan

Safer Cities, Healthier Citizens; Killing Two Birds With One Stone

(SNN) - Health Canada and the Public Safety department have teamed up to create an exciting new plan to punish hardened criminals and even force inmates to give a little back to society. The plan, conceived by Prime Minister Stephen Harper, is to get tough on crime by harvesting organs and other material from prisoners convicted of particularly heinous crimes.

“The move is really quite straightforward,” said Dr. Roger Dodde, whom Harper had personally appointed chairman of the joint study looking into the project. “If you commit a serious, violent crime, then in addition to a ten-year sentence, say good-by to a cornea. If you break the law worthy of a twenty year sentence, you can expect your kidney and bone marrow will be up for grabs, if you match anyone, anywhere needing one. A person guilty of a life-sentence or those convicts designated as “Dangerous Offenders” can expect to have multiple parts, organs and tissue removed. This will send a strong message to the criminal element as well as contribute greatly to easing the shortage of organs to help ill Canadians get healthy again.”

Members of the inmate lobby and support group, The John Howard Society, expressed dismay regarding the plan, describing it as “brutal and draconian”. They were immediately swept up in an RCMP dragnet and proclaimed “Dangerous Offenders”.

Medical economist, Dr. Phil T. Lucre, has examined the plan for its financial impact and has pronounced the concept as monetarily feasible.

“Since the state has to pay for these inmates’ upkeep anyway, sticking them in the new prison palliative care wards that we’ll build, will actually be cheaper. There is little risk of flight when hooked up to a dialysis machine, or an iron lung, for example, especially if you’re blind. These inmates will likely be much cheaper and easier to manage, after the harvestation process, as they will require little care or monitoring,” stated Lucre. “The best facet of this approach is that if someone is eventually found to be not guilty on appeal, we have a large selection of body parts to make restitution with. This will save the state millions in potential risk liability. It seems the government has actually come up with a solution for the repeat offender.”

Photo by: Steve Steveaux flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

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