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IPCC: It's official, Climate change on Mars is man-made

Scientists identify 2047 as global climate change tipping point on Mars

(SNN) - A new study shows global temperatures on Mars are increasing and man is the root cause. Climatologists from the IPCC have identified specific climate zones on Mars that according to a new study will require a complete remapping of those zones due to planetary climate change in roughly 34 years.

According to rational science, the Martian polar caps will melt by 2047 causing flood waters to cover the entire surface of the planet. Experienced alarmists from the IPCC drew this problem to the attention of authorities.

The report cleverly identifies that the global temperatures on Mars have risen since the first man-made probe crashed on that planet by the Soviets in May of 1971. “The pace of Martian global warming is accelerating and the scale of the impact is devastating. The time for action is limited – we are approaching a tipping point beyond which the opportunity to reverse the damage of emissions will disappear,” stated Al Gore, political expert and eco-mentalist under contract with Kleinfeld, Parkins Clauschmidt & Beers.

According to scientists the debris from man-made space probes, the pollution from rocket boosters and emissions from nuclear and conventional power cells from these space craft have caused the Martian climate to increase 0.18 °C since 1971 and it is increasing at an alarming rate.

The Sage contacted Al Gore while vacationing with Dr. David Suzuki in Australia to clarify the IPCC report. He was quick to point out the root cause was the result of years of human exploration by the former USSR, Britain and the United States. He pointed out that there were twelve probes that either crashed or are currently exploring the red planet, and these space probes have polluted the planet past the tipping point. “Every day that the NASA rovers Spirit and Opportunity move around and disturb soil and spew emissions is one more day closer to the end of Mars as we know it,” stated Gore, “There is a stick for hockey and it has the name Mars on it!”

Suzuki added his assessment of the problem, “If each one of us does our bit, we will be helping to keep planetary global warming from reaching other planets like Juniper, Neptune, Mercurochrome and a few others.” Gore could be heard yelling the background, “Don't forget Uranus Dave, you always forget Uranus!”

Photo: "NASA image enchanced" Some rights reserved by J.Gabás Esteban flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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