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Assisted Suicide Endorsed As Wait-List Reduction Plan

Health Canada Institutes Three Strikes You're Dead' Policy

(SNN) - Health Canada has waded into the debate about physician-assisted suicide by, not just supporting the plan, but with a view to expanding it. They are hoping that legalizing euthanasia will not only provide the seriously ill with a dignified end, but also help reduce waiting lists for healthcare specialists.  

The strategy endorsed by Health Canada is to immediately terminate anyone who is:

a) Asking for assisted suicide for any reason, or
b) Suffering from three concurrent medical conditions that might make them depressed before treatment can begin. (For example, having simultaneously, a bad knee, arthritis in some joints and a hang nail.)

“We see this as a great opportunity to reduce wait times in Canadian hospitals and clinics,” beamed Dr. William Burton of the federal government health body. “Not only will it remove current patients on those embarrassingly long wait-lists faster, but new patients will think twice before trying to use up more of provincial health system services than their budgets can afford.”

The rationale for the initiative, according to the doctor, is if a person is on a wait-list for, say, a new hip, they are assumed to be in a great deal of pain. If they also have a couple of other issues; maybe high blood pressure and cholesterol, not only are they in pain but a pain to healthcare professionals, too. Because the medical community works very hard to deal with such pains, they feel state-decreed assisted suicide would be a good way to reduce the amount of time patients must suffer.

“Pain is depressing,” explained Dr. Burton. “Obviously anyone on a wait-list is depressed. They are extremely uncomfortable and frustrated that treatment takes forever. Who wants that? Since we can’t afford to take care of them right away, their depression worsens until they want to end it all. We are just helping that process along for the benefit of the rest of us. We will save millions, maybe even billions. Of dollars, I mean, not patients.”

Photo by: Ish Frost flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

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