news director

Please Support our Sponsors

X-Factor's Kelly Rowland sends Pusha T packing.

Hip Hop star and rumoured lover rejected in favour of stray cats

(SNN) - Former Destiny Child member and panel judge on the X-Factor, Kelly Rowland, shocked her Miami Beach community of Star Island, Florida by choosing a stray cat over Pusha T. Neighbours reported that on October 2nd, Miami Dade County police escorted hip hop recording artist Pusha T from the premises, while Ms. Rowland was seen sobbing and stroking a mangy tabby. “I can't believe she chose to send Pusha T packing,” stated long-time neighbour Maggie Piegh, “All the neighbours are gob-smacked.”

The incident came to a head when neighbours complained to animal control that Ms. Rowland has been keeping stray cats, which have become a nuisance. “It started with three cats,” advised Peigh, “now she has at least thirty.” According to local ordinance, no home owner is allowed to keep more that thirty pets on the premises at one time.

“The cats howl and screech all night, dive into dumpsters and crap in our gardens,” reported one neighbour. “If you listen closely you can here Kelly praising the damn cats saying, 'your my final four, your my final four.'' The neighbour added, “I think Kelly is touched.”

Police have advised that when they arrived at the Lawson residence the scene was very disturbing. It was reported the front steps were thick with clumps of fur balls. “Although Ms. Rowland keeps a clean home, I could not help but notice at least seven cats pulling themselves along the carpet leaving fecal trails,” advised Officer Brown. “All Ms. Rowland could say is, 'they have so much potential don't they?” Brown added, “But the law is clear;  at least one pet had to go.” Police have reported that it took some time before Lawson had Pusha T removed.

Fellow X-Factor judge Simon Cowel was quick to point out that Rowland has a record of making poor judgments, “She does not like to foist rejection on anybody or anything,” concluded Cowel.

“Actually, a person with the inability to make a proper decision is suffering from a serious psychological disorder.” advised Clinical Psychologist Dr. Vincent Boombah “She is most likely suffering from Faecal Encephalopathy.”

No matter what disorder the former Destiny Chid star is suffering from, hip hop recording artist and now former love Pusha T just did not make the final four.

Photo: Some rights reserved by thelushside flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Brian K. Hahn



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^