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Electric Hummer Introduced Amid Problems

Home Charging Will Deplete Power Grid Among Other Worries

(SNN) The manufacturer of the gas guzzling Hummer series of vehicles has introduced an electric version of their products. The launch, however, has been rife with negative publicity and opposition from surprising sources from the company's perspective.

"We are admittedly surprised by the pushback to this initiative," claimed Hummer vice-president of media communications, Buzz Hargrave. “We thought that the environmental community especially would have lauded our efforts; but instead we are still being vilified. We just don’t understand it.”

One problem facing the company is that the name, “Electric Hummer”, has a different meaning on the Internet search engines than what the company had in mind. Customers looking for the product will often end up on websites featuring an entirely different line of products than the ones Hummer wants to promote.

Another issue with the new vehicle offering is that the electric behemoths take so much energy and rare materials to produce; they come off the assembly-line with a carbon footprint the size of the Grand Canyon. Worse yet, the amount of power the re-energizing system requires, would power a small city for a week.

“It is clearly apparent, these vehicles, for all their good intentions, are a greater threat to the environment than a diesel powered semi-trailer hauling a load of anvils,” claimed Enviro-Watch spokesman, Dimitri Hugger. “This monstrosity is clearly not the transportation energy compromise we were looking for.”

Despite the abysmal environmental impact of the vehicles, however, Hummer can’t keep up with the demand, especially for green ones. Automotive experts chalk this up to the fact that not everyone can afford to damage the planet on this scale and want to be first in line to show that they can.

 Photo by: Malingering  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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