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Gorillas escape Calgary Zoo for the second time this year

Furry Partier mistaken for a member of a gorilla troop.


(SNN) - For the second time this year the Calgary Zoo has lost control of Gorillas which resulted in the beasts raiding the zoo's kitchen and wandering off into the downtown core. The reported number of beasts on the loose varied, and at one point a troop of three Gorillas, with one male silverback, was seen in the park areas close to the Bow River. “I was waiting for the Ctrain at the Lion Park terminal when I saw three beasts grunting and screaming,” stated Clay Hause, “The bigger gorilla was working over a smaller one not too far from me.” Hause added that he boarded the Ctrain and was worried for the smaller ape.

One too many gorillas.

Zoo authorities advised The Sage that only two Gorillas escaped, one silverback male and one female. They denied having lost a third.

More questions were raised when other reports came in indicating that the two gorillas were seen chasing a smaller one across the Stoney Trail Bridge. “I could swear I heard screaming” advised a witness who wished to remain anonymous.

The bizarre truth was revealed when around 5AM, a woman contacted the police to report her husband missing. Sandy Brooke advised that she and her husband Peter were at a Furry Party close to downtown. She stated that her husband is a heavy drinker, and at one point when the partiers began to engage each other he disappeared. “I was dressed up like a big furry chipmunk.” advised Sandy, “Peter was in his Koko gorilla suit.”

The Brooke's, admitted swingers, are regular Furry Partiers. It was reported that their costumes, manufactured by Lacy & Nick of Clermont Florida, are made of high quality materials and designed to provide the wearer with the best tactile sensation when contact is made. “When Peter gets drunk he tends to wonder off looking for a partner.” added Sandy.

Police locate Peter Brooke.

“I can report that at 2PM today, we found Mr. Brooke slumped over a bench at Highland Park,” advised Constable MacBeal, “Mr. Brooke was taken to the hospital with bruising, and deep scratches.” The Calgary police reported that it appeared that Peter Brooke had been attacked by an animal, most likely the silverback male.

In an exclusive interview with Calgary emergency services, it was learned that when Peter Brooke was found he was missing half of the Koko gorilla suit and was suffering from dehydration.

Calgary has been experiencing lower than normal temperatures this time of year. The two Gorillas are still at large.  


Photo: Some rights reserved by to.wi flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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