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Mutilated Cocks found at Saskatchewan Farm

Investigators not Ruling Out the Possibility of Aliens

(SNN) - A Saskatchewan veterinarian has been hospitalized as a result of exposure to a dead flock of cocks found mutilated Friday near Machlin. Dr. Dick Burns was called to the farm of Mr. Jerry Atrik, forty-five kilometres east of Machlin, in response to a complaint of chicken mutilations. “It was horrible,” stated Atrik, “I woke up to find my large cock mutilated.” Atrik reported that his prize cock, named “Rusty”, who had won him the a blue ribbon for the largest cock at the county fair, had been found mutilated just outside the stoop. Atrik reported that he looked out to his yard and discovered a second, then a third and finally his entire flock had been mutilated.

Each bird had been completely cleaned of feathers. Although the bodies of the cocks were distended, the necks were stiff and elongated. Atrik immediately called Dr. Burns, who later discovered that the innards of the birds had been spewed through the throat and a strange gas had displaced the organs, thus each bird was an empty cavity.

It was while Dr. Burns was transporting ten of the bloated cocks to his office, he collapsed and had to be airlifted to a hospital.

By the end of the day, the Atrik farm was quarantined under the authority of AMMI (Association of Medical Microbiology and Infectious Disease Canada). AMMI's preliminary investigation has revealed that although the cocks had been mysteriously gutted of organs, the carcass' were filled with the rare noble monatomic gas Radon.

“Radon, under normal conditions has radioactive isotopes,” stated Dr. Turnin Kauff, the AMMI investigator assigned to the Machlin cock culling. “Radon is considered a health hazard due to its radioactivity.” added Dr. Kauff.

In an exclusive interview with Jerry Atrik, The Sage discovered that investigators found no evidence of human intrusion onto the Atrik farm yard. “Thursday evening was a clear sky and quiet. I had just run through the yard with my rakes; and when I found the flock gutted, there were no footprints or tire tracks leading to my prize cocks.” said Atrik. “It has got to be UFO spacemen that messed with my cocks.”

Dr. Kauff confirmed Atrik's observations, “We found no evidence of intrusion, The yard was clean of tire tracks, foot prints, or any evidence of human cock molesting.”

The Machlin cock culling is still under investigation, and Dr. Burns is being treated for radiation exposure.

Farmer Jerry Atrik is not letting go without more answers from AMMI. “When I found my cock, Rusty, all bloated and limp, it felt like a part of me was missing,” recalled Atrik, “I need some real answers; this just ain't right.”

Photo: Some rights reserved by Mr. Daniel Ted Feliciano flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article not endorsed.

RELATED STORY: Cow found mutilated in Saskatchewan - Leader Post, Regina, Sask.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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