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Ted Cruz Finishes 21 Hour Ad for Ted Cruz

Senator's Record-Setting Rant Almost News

(SNN) - Texas Senator Ted Cruz (REP) has just completed what appears to be a first for the United States government; a 21 hour and 19 minute commercial for his candidacy in the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. According to the statisticians at The Guinness Book of World Records, Cruz’s effort has made it the third longest commercial for one’s self behind Sacha Baron Cohen’s epic movie, “Borat”, and any show featuring a Kardashian.

The long-winded Senator (he has a gastric issue) used almost a full day of governmental business to discuss a vote that was already a foregone conclusion. Making a stand on this issue was important to the senator, however, so he could show up that slip of a woman, fellow senator, Wendy Davis, who received national attention for her eleven hour filibuster of an anti-abortion bill. Frustratingly for Senator Cruz, while Davis was hailed as a hero, he has been relegated to the buffoon pile, along with Michele Bachmann, Donald Trump and Glenn “I’ve really gone off the deep end now” Beck.

Cruz, who was born in another country against his will, although thankfully to white parents so there won’t be any ‘birther’ issues, was well prepared for his snore-athon. He had supplied himself with energy drinks and an exhaust system under his trousers so bodily functions would not thwart his effort at whatever he was trying to accomplish. It is the only time in memory that an energy drink has put an entire nation to sleep. That is quite a record.

Photo by: Gage Skidmore  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

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