news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Spain to emerge from Recession with aide of U.S. Mega-Retailer

Walmart to re-purpose Ancient Roman Ruins in Spain.


(SNN) - The news that Spain is emerging from the great recession that has crippled that country was received with some trepidation. Since 2008, the recession has decimated the Spanish economy leaving massive plots of real estate development abandoned, including the Central Ciudad Real Airport, a high-tech facility that was slotted to replace the Madrid International Airport.

“Our concern is how the economy is turning around,” stated Spain's Minster of Finance, Pedro de Moola. “It is not that we are not appreciative.” The Sage has learned that Spain received a large injection of cash from an American mega-retailer. In exchange, the retailer has purchased all the ancient Roman ruins located in that country.

Under the “Supermercado de Walmart” business model, Walmart will be converting ancient ruins into Supermercado Centres, complete with retail centres, outdoor drive-in theatres and sport facilities. “We will revolutionize the shopping experience in Spain,” bragged Walmart's International Manager Bobby-Jo Cobbledick.

Walmart's first acquisition from Spain is the Tarragona Amphitheatre, a second century sports arena once used for gladiatorial battles. “Our plan is to add a roof to the amphitheatre and fill it to the ceiling with quality discount merchandise,” stated Cobbledick, “Add to that, we are planning to level the property near the river so that eager Spaniards can park cars and even set-up Campers and RV's for overnight camping.

Currently, there are four ancient sites that have been acquired by the mega-retailer. “Our most ambitious project will be the conversion of the Segovia Aqueduct,” advised Cobbledick. “We plan to cover both sides of the 800 metre long structure with plywood and turn it into a double screen drive-in theatre, complete with a recreation grounds for the kiddies and a power-strip food-court.” The Sage was advised that Walmart has approached every American fast-food chain to open kiosks at the “Segovia Drive-in and Fun Park”

Since all the ancient sites acquired are UNESCO World Heritage locations, the conversions of the sites have been under scrutiny. “We got around that by promising the United Nations a piece of the action,” advised Cobbledick. “We paid the UN off with a promise of commissions. They will receive one-percent of ten-percent of the net profits.”

“Wait until they get a load of us!” concluded Cobbledick.  


Photo: "Segovia Aqueduct" Some rights reserved by Becca Taylor flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
More from Brian K. Hahn

 

Recent

Most Viewed

Promote Your Business


Social Activity



Top ^