news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Snakes In The Drains: Major NA Cities Deal With New Threat

Sewer Slitherers Invading Homes and Apartments Through Toilets

(SNN) - Global warming is being blamed for the skyrocketing number of incidents of large-sized exotic snakes living in the sewers of most, if not all, of the major cities in North America. According to Professor Irvin Corey of the group Veterinarians Without Boarders or Tenants, the problem has been growing exponentially over the past ten years, but is too horrific to be addressed publically by local officials.

“Mayors and aldermen from across the continent have contacted us with their concerns but none want to risk using their real names or the names of their cities for fear of panic in their citizens and a drop in tourism,“ said Corey in an exclusive Sage interview. “However, I can tell you that the number of places affected is over 2800.”

Research by Corey’s group has indicated these snakes would have normally died during cold weather bouts most cities endure in winter. Now it seems, the snakes are managing to survive colder climates and when it gets too cold, think nothing of going through pipes to find a nice warm bathroom to curl up in. People who have been using their washroom facilities when the snakes have poked their head up out of the toilet water have expressed reactions ranging from “Major Alarm” to “Pooped Myself Hollow”.

When contacted by The Sage, not a single mayor or city official from any of the 1000 municipalities we were in touch with, would admit that snakes in the drain are a problem in their community. The widespread denials only add fuel to the belief that there is an issue here that these civic officials are too afraid to deal with.

For those concerned about the possibility of a snake interrupting their daily constitutional, Corey did say his group has a solution. He advised people to look for their ad on Facebook called “One Weird Tip To Prevent Snakes In The Drain. Only $10.00!” and click on the link for the information and billing instructions.

Photo by:  Anne Petersen  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^