news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Email from Barack Obama to Stephen Harper

Document Intercepted By Canuck Hackers 'HockeyLeaks'

Dear Stephen,

I'm so glad you're over that whole "Steve" thing. My bad. 

How’s the wife and kids? Have you started doing that hockey thing you guys like so much? Personally, I admit I do prefer sports where athletes of my cultural heritage are more predominant, such as golf or tennis. (I take after Mom in my athletic prowess.)

Enough, chitchat, though, I wanted to drop you a line about what’s happening with my position on Syria. I think it is important that you know I appreciate that you had my back on this one. I would have preferred you had missiles and aircraft carriers and Assad-seeking drones, but it was nice that you had my back.

As far as my plans go, I am keeping it open. I had the fleet bearing down on the region but then Cameron, Merkel and even Hollande all backed out. I would never have guessed that the people of the free world aren’t as shocked and galvanized to action by this atrocity as I am but they’re not. They’re tired of war. They’re tired of footing the bill for us trying to fix things and only making it worse. When I figured out which way the wind was blowing and it wasn’t blowing the sarin at any of our troops, well, I decided backpedaling, as bad as it may look, would be worse than acting in haste. This is especially true since we would have been going it alone. Too bad you Canadians only have defensive capabilities and not much for offense. We could have used you.

Speaking of your defensive capabilities, I understand your fighting men and women are among the fiercest in the world despite their woeful shortage of things other armies have such as planes, subs, ships, tanks and whatnot. I’m curious how it is that, given your… let’s say frugal defense spending compared to ours, how you don’t have surplus budgets every year? What do you spend all that money on? Oh right, that healthcare thing. I wish I hadn’t brought the subject up. You’d think providing a means to insure more Americans would have been more popular. Go figure.

I mean, we spend 2.5% of our gross domestic product on protecting ourselves and our interests around the world while you spend 1.3%; almost half. And our GDP is one hell of a lot bigger than yours. I will admit that we do have a bit of a debt problem compared to you, however. You have a national debt of a paltry $635 Billion compared to our $17 trillion plus debt load. Drones, missiles and new F-series jet fighters aren’t cheap. Oh, sorry, I forgot the F35’s are a sensitive subject for you. And subs. And helicopters. And marijuana.

By the way, I also appreciate that you haven’t made a big deal about our NSA operatives recording your phone calls and emails like that Brazilian woman, Rousseff. You Canadians are always such good sports. If Dilma’s going to unfriend everybody that spies on her, she’s going to be terribly short of friends.

Anyway, Stephen, I will try and keep in touch. You know your “Cold Line” to Washington is always open. Ha! Another “frozen north” joke! Anyway, if it’s real serious I’ll call you on my cell.


(Leader of the Free World)

Photo by: Karen White  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^