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Voyager One Damaged By Disruptor Blasts

Automatically Charged Weapons Systems and Force Shields

(SNN) - In a stunning development, the Voyager 1 spacecraft, has come under fire while on the very edges of the solar system. NASA’s automated engineering drones reported the damage identified by hull sensors at 08:47 EDT on Monday, but human engineers were on their union-mandated Romulan ale break, so it wasn’t detected until later that afternoon.

“We are very concerned about the spacecraft,” admitted NASA spokesman Bob Serunkle, author of the best-selling book ‘Bob’s Uranus’. “Our remote sensors indicate the auto-shielding program worked exactly as hoped and the hull damage is minimal. Still, we are curious who fired on it and why.”

Serunkle said that it takes a long time for signals to be relayed from the vessel to the Deep Space Network. The network is comprised of telescopes of various types from all over the globe. It multiplies the amount of information the NASA scientists can glean from the images, as well as play the best hits of the ‘70’s and 80’s, all the way to today’s greatest artists.

“We are hoping Voyager 1 has already beamed an image of the ship that fired on it,” Serunkle said. “It’s auto-defend programs seem to be working perfectly but if ever they should be compromised and Voyager somehow makes its way back to Earth, we may be in real trouble.”

The NASA spokesman did mention there’s already betting among the officials in the know what shape the enemy craft will have. Saucer-shaped was going at 3-1 odds followed by cigar shaped at 4-1, while orb was fetching odds as high as 7-1.

“We are planning a mission with a new, much faster ship loaded with nano-technology to repair and improve Voyager,” Serunkle mentioned in passing. “It was designed and manufactured by the Canadian Space Agency and is called ‘Voyageur 3’, appropriately, as it is the world’s first warp drive canoe. The Canadians didn’t want to make a big deal of it, though. You know how they are; well, other than that Chris Hadfield guy.”

Photo by: shankar s  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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