news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Harper Asks For Monitoring of Noxious Neil Young Emissions

Aging Cranial Tissue Leaking Toxic Fumes, Catchy Tunes

(SNN) - Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has asked the Department of Energy, Resources and Burnt Out Hippies, as well as the Department of the Environment, to test the hot air emanating from Americanized Canadian Rocker, Neil Young. The super-heated gasses escaping from the musician’s vent-hole are thought to contain the same sulphur content as the Styx River, south of Purgatory.

The folk/rock fusion artist has compared the city of Fort McMurray to Hiroshima after The Bomb, minus, we can only assume, all the dead people and the destroyed buildings. He also asserted that the smell of fuel is “everywhere” there, especially near Petro-Canada stations and that natives and wildlife are suffering and withering, much like his musical career. The singer neglected to mention the many natives who are capitalizing on the oil that has been bubbling up from the ground unbidden for centuries.

“Given that Canada contributes a paltry .15% of the planet’s carbon emissions, we want to ensure Mr. Young’s heated discharges aren’t part of our own national GHG footprint,” explained Harper in a media scrum. “He is obviously confused if he thinks we’re the problem when his adopted home, the U.S., contributes over 18% to global emissions. His view of our oilsands development is so illogical, we are considering removing him from the CRTC’s Canadian Content rules.”

“I will say, however,” admitted Harper, “I’ve always liked the man’s music. I just wish he’d see the needle and the damage done is worse than the damage the oilsands does. He should stick to drug songs. And harvest songs; those are nice, too.”

Photo by: Planet Janet 111  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^