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Obama/Putin G20 Syria Negotiations Revealed

Barack and Vladimir - One on One While Going Number One


(SNN) - Thanks to sophisticated technology, namely two soup cans and a string, The Sage News has managed to record the private chemical warfare response negotiations between Presidents Barack Obama and Vladimir “Voldemort” Putin. The high level exchange took place at adjoining urinals when they happened to meet while having at whiz at the G20 meetings held recently in St. Constantine, Russia. Here is a text version of this Sage exclusive.

B: Man, I hate to break the seal…

V: I know the feeling, Comrade…

B: Don’t call me that. So… you guys have the same expression?

V: Da. We call it “blowing the up dam”… Oh my God! .. er… I mean, Oh my State Planning Office!

B: Hey! Guy code, buddy. No peeking.

V: Sorry.

B: Well think about that when I say that if you don’t rein in your little toady, Bashar, we are going to be on that little twerp like a pit-bull on a poodle.  

V: Our ships in the region will defend our Syrian comrade, of course.

B: You want World War Three over those idiots? Seriously?

V: Well… Not seriously. We know Bashar is … a few goats short of a herd, but like some of your um… people… he has his purpose.

B: Look, here’s the plan; you announce Syria will allow international oversight of its chemical stockpile and you won’t have to rebuild the entire country after we flatten it. I’m about ready to drop a tanker of whoop-ass on him. We have Assad-seeking drones that can home in on his DNA. Either train that puppy properly or we will have to send it to “the farm”.

V:  Not the farm! You are, how you Americans say… driving a hard bargain. We usually work things out more… equitably. This isn’t about the whole Pussy Riot thing is it? The gay harassment? What do you Americans say? WTF?

B: Careful, you’re getting excited and got it on your shoe. I will admit that we are a little ticked that you didn’t give us a heads up about what we’d be facing in Afghanistan.

V: Oh da, heh heh. My apologies. You know how it is. Business is business.

B: Anyway, I’m done. See you back at the bore-fest. I’m glad we had this little talk. Don’t forget; you make the offer and I graciously accept.

V: Understood, Comrade.

B: Don’t call me that!

The text has not been confirmed by official sources, although Obama did say that it is surprising how much business is done in the bathroom stalls of Congress. He did not, however, elaborate.


Photo by: Jedimentat44 flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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