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Canada Reaches 6th Place In Happy Stats

Analysts Examine Canuck Cheerfulness: Delusion Suspected

(SNN) - According to a study conducted by Gallup, Canada has placed 6th in the annual happiness ranking of countries. The rankings, compiled since 2005, measures such quality of life factors as GDP per capita, longevity of its citizens and the availability of decent toilet paper.

In reacting to the news, Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen “Sunny Steve” Harper appeared somewhat embarrassed by the country’s high position.

“Actually, we were heading for first which would have been really awkward,” explained the PM, “so we managed to get Quebec Premier, Pauline Marois, to do something to drive the rest of Canada crazy. It appears to have worked, which is a great relief. It meant so much to Denmark to come in first. We were happy to step aside, but managed to contain the happiness so it wouldn’t affect the scores. It’s the Canadian way, eh.”

Harper’s counterpart in Denmark, Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt, was also contacted for this article but no one in the Sage office could make out a single word he said. Everyone who tried talking to the Danish head agreed that he did sound pretty happy.

When asked by Canadian reporters how he would explain Canada’s sixth place finish compared the U.S. ranking of 17th, President Barack Obama appeared somewhat angry.

“It’s no wonder we are eleven places back,” groused Obama. “Those Canadians send us all their headaches; Keystone XL, Howie Mandel, Justin Bieber… the list goes on and on.”

The List of the top 10 happiest countries, according to the poll are:

  1. Denmark
  2. Norway
  3. Switzerland
  4. Netherlands
  5. Sweden
  6. Canada
  7. Finland
  8. Austria
  9. Iceland
  10. Australia

Photo by: Antonis Samaras flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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