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Obama Asks Public For Direction On Syrian Bombing

'Surely Someone Besides Me Thinks It's A Good Idea'

(SNN) - In an effort to garner support for his aborted attack on Syria, President Barack Obama has decided to create a referendum for the public to decide that country’s fate. Realizing none of his previous allies in the 1990’s “Coalition of the Willing” believe U.S. intelligence sources, ever since ‘that whole Saddam thing with the WMD BS’, the president of the free world (no pun intended) is counting on the less informed American public to help make this grave decision. According to un-named White House staffers, it marks the first time in his presidency that Obama is grateful for “Red States”

Here are the options the administration is considering for the plebiscite, the Sage News has learned from a source close to the president’s former roommate’s cousin. The price tag for each choice is also revealed.

Option 1: Take them over and force them to become the 51st state. (11.2 Trillion)
Upside: It will shut that Assad bastard up for good.
Downside: Most expensive option. We’ll have to stay there. Forever. Plus Syrians will get to vote for President of the U.S.

Option 2: Bomb them back to the Pliocene Era ($140 B)
Upside: Great television.
Downside. Still pricey. Ticks off the neighbors.

Option 3: Surgical strikes targeting the Syrian leadership. ($63 B)
Upside: It’s good for CNN.  Will tip the scales toward the insurgents again.
Downside: We don’t want the al Qaeda rebels to get too strong and win; we just want them to keep fighting.

Option 4: Severe tongue lashing with snippy email to follow. (Already in 2013 budget)
Upside: It’s what everyone else is doing.
Downside: We look silly with all our boats over there not pulverizing anybody. What will people say?

The date of the referendum has not been established, but some are hoping it would be most apt on Groundhog Day.

Photo by: Freedom House flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed


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