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New Leak: NSA Xkeyscore Monitoring Program Creates Porn Addicts.

NSA loses Insurance Coverage.

(SNN) - The recent exposure of a top-secret monitoring program code-named Xkeyscore by “The Guardian” has opened a can of worms for the NSA. The National Security Agency's top-secret program exposes everything ever done on the internet, including your browsing history, searches, details of your emails, online chats and metadata. All this information is available to NSA staff at the tip of their fingers..

In an exclusive interview with an insider who goes by the code name as “Anal Leaker,” The Sage has learned that the constant monitering and the sheer volume of pornographic images and sexual correspondence from Americans has NSA staff suffering from pornography addiction and PTSD. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

“As a key staffer in human resources for the NSA, I processed hundreds of insurance claims for sex addiction.” said Anal Leaker.  “What people do not know is that the NSA has lost all insurance benefits over four years ago.”

It has learned that the American Infidelity Assurance Company has black-listed the NSA and labelled all employees as uninsurable.

Among the insurance claims filed by the NSA were disorders for; exhibitionism, fetishism, frotteurism, pedophilia, sexual masochism, sexual sadism, transvestic fetishism, voyeurism and sexual aversion disorder.

“Since the claims were 'laundered' through other government departments, protecting NSA staff identities, we thought that the Federal Government was infested by degenerates,” stated an AIAC spokesperson. “Now we know that the only degenerates are working in the Intelligence Community.”

Since Edward Snowden, a 29-year-old former Booz Allen Hamilton employee, who worked for the NSA for four years, came forward with the revelation that the NSA had been invading the privacy of anyone using the internet, the public now knows the only accomplishment has been an array of sexual disorders caused by over-exposure to pornography.

“The discovery of Xkeyscore was only the tip of the iceberg,” stated Anal Leaker. “Most spamming scams have originated from the NSA, which include selling Viagra, Cialis, penal extensions, erectile dysfunction and offering wife swapping services.”

Photo: Some rights reserved by j3tdillo flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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