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Stephen Harper Announces He Will Try Pot

PM To Close the 'Coolness Gap' With Justin Trudeau

(SNN) - Realizing that Liberal leader Justin Trudeau is now kilometers ahead in the all-important “Coolness Quotient”, for admitting he had a few tokes while sitting as a Member of Parliament, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has agreed to try hot-knifing some hashish to catch up.

“I have received special dispensations from the Association of Police Chiefs, the Supreme Court and the Attorney-General,” Harper told a media scrum. “By deputizing me and temporarily assigning me to the drug squad, I am not breaking the law like that wet-behind-the-ears law flouter Trudeau. Getting high just isn’t worth the legal risk. It’s not like authorizing robo-calls.”

To ensure the experience is perfectly safe, Harper has lined up a platoon of doctors to oversee his “THC Ingestion Initiative”, including a pulmonary specialist to help in case of excessive coughing due to his asthma. There will also be mental health experts on hand in case of a “freak out” situation to help “talk him down”.

“I have prepared myself for this ordeal carefully,” said the Prime Minister. “I have bottled water for the reported side effect of “dry mouth” and a small bag of low-fat Doritos in case I get the munchies like Justin warned me about. This is going to be wild. I’m a little bit frightened.”

Harper’s team is confidant with this move; Canada’s beleaguered leader will instantly be seen as hip and cool, a shoe-in to get the youth vote he needs to trump Trudeau in 2016.  One danger for Harper, however, is that he may lose some support from the more extreme right-wing, anti-drug “kill all the pot-heads” factions in the party. The larger threat, though, will be if it turns out Harper has a really silly giggle when he’s stoned and he becomes a viral laughingstock on YouTube. His entire campaign may be undone by a single, “HE HE HE HA HA HA SNORK!”

Photo by: US Embassy Canada flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

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