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Nostradamus Institute Picks Next Date For End of the World

We Were So Bummed When The Mayans Fizzled, We Had to Do Something'

(SNN) - The head researcher at the Nostradamus Institute of Paranormal Studies has reflected on the data that led him to believe the End of the World would be on December 12th, 2012 and is now issuing a new date for cataclysms, carnage and perhaps even the end of Netflix.  At a news conference from his mother’s basement, the head of NIPS and self-proclaimed descendant of Nostradamus, Hymie Weinfeldt, has stated the next End of the World will be on December 12, 2021.

“We have wonderful news to announce,” beamed the pimply faced Nips spokesman. “I know everyone was disappointed in that whole December 21st date but we had a little whoopsie in the interpretation department. You see, what happened was, we got all caught up in that Mayan calendar stuff and must have interposed our numbers to align with it. Now we see it is actually the year 2021 that we should fear.”

This is the fifth End of the World date that has been attributed to Nostradamus which puts the 14th century seer well back of prominent Armageddon prognosticator, Pat Robertson, with eight.  According to Weinfeldt, it’s not Nastrodomus’ prophesies which were incorrect but the Institute’s interpretation of the ancient drug dealer’s proto-hip-hop verses.

”Great-great-great etc. Grandpa Nossie was never wrong. He nailed the Twin Towers and atom bombs and the assassination of JFK. It’s kind of funny all his predictions are about Americans. Oh wait, there was that Hitler one, as well. Grandpa Nossie obviously knew America would beat him, too.”

When Weinfeldt was asked how having the End of the World always on his mind affected him, the dedicated researcher and SkyRim champ was candid.

“Well, it doesn’t make much sense to buy a house or a car or anything or make any concrete plans when I know the earth will be reduced to ashes in the near future,” Weinfeldt admitted. “However, at least I don’t have to plan for retirement.”

 Photo: released into the public domain by Zereshk at the wikipediaproject. This applies worldwide..

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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