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Man Robbing Georgia Gun Expo Shot 349 Times

'He Tried a Stick Us Up With A .22 For God Sakes'

(SNN) - Atlanta police are trying to identify the remains of a man who had allegedly drawn a weapon on one of the arms dealers at the “Huntin’ ‘N Killin’- USA” gun show held last weekend in Halls S and W of the Remington Farmer’s Market and Abattoir.  According to police reports of the incident, an unknown assailant approached gun show exhibitor, Colt Luger, and loudly threatened to shoot him if he didn’t hand over money and weapons. Witnesses stated afterward, everyone within earshot of the bandit immediately opened fire on the assailant.

“I haven’t seen a more impressive display of shooting since ‘Shock and Awe’ in Iraq,” grinned one firearms enthusiast who would only identify himself as ‘Twitchy’. “To be sporting, I went for the legs. I thought I did damn good, too, since they were being blown across the room and I had to nail ‘em in flight”

After the chief coroner, Dr. J. Thicke-Hyde, examined the bits of body that remained, he issued a quick preliminary report. Using data from the forensic squad, who collected other physical evidence such as shell casings and bullet holes, Hyde estimated the gun wielding crazy had been fired on in defense almost 350 times.

“It is apparent from some of the larger pieces recovered, the vicious hold-up man  was very likely both high on illegal drugs and most assuredly a raving liberal,” stated Hyde at a press conference.

NRA spokesman, Otto Knightscope heralded the killing of the mystery robber in a press release.

“The National Rifle Association takes its collective hat off to those valiant civilian soldiers that took down the enemy target before he could inflict harm on anyone,” the release began. “It is a perfect indictment of the hopeless, dangerous cause of gun control. The NRA also sends its condolences to Mr. Luger’s family and the families of all 35 other exhibitors and attendees who unfortunately perished in the lethal hail of bullets. At least we can take comfort those people died doing what they loved best.”

Photo by: Michael Glasgow  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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