news director

Please Support our Sponsors

BREAKING: Palin Quits as Ambassador to Canada

Wants to Spend Time With Friends, Family and FOX News

(SNN) - Sarah Palin has resigned her position as U.S. Ambassador to Canada effective immediately. Palin, who held the position for almost 24 hours was emotional during her resignation speech she filmed as a “selfie” with her smart-phone . In the shaky video, Palin appeared to become choked up when she shared how she was feeling about leaving the colleagues that have stuck by her during her whole ambassadorial career.

 “I am so sad to leave the close friends I have made while on this important assignment for my resume and my country,” said Palin in the recording. “Canada is a wonderful state. I am honored to have served as ambassador to that beautiful state that is so like my own state. I believe my tenure here has led to greater understanding between our two nations or states or whatever the hell those wacky Canadians have. I just wish I could have visited while I was ambassador.”

Palin had replaced previous ambassador to Canada, David Jacobsen, who had fled the position July 15.  Prior to Palin agreeing to take on the post, it was rumoured the ambassadorship was going to go unfilled for some time, after reports leaked out of the deleterious effect the appointment had on Jacobson.

According to inside sources, Jacobson was immediately checked out by American doctors after his stateside return, so Canada could get their damage deposit back. Jacobson, however, was reportedly presenting severe depressive symptoms similar to people who have been sensory deprived, as if in solitary confinement for great lengths of time. Attending doctors admit, however, it is an extremely common malady for people living in Ottawa.

When asked by reporters when the next ambassador to Canada would be selected, White House Spokesman, Jay Carney appeared evasive.

“Finding somebody who will… er… volunteer for the job has proven to be… uh… challenging,” he said at a press conference. “The only people who have expressed any interest at all were an army guy trying to get out of his rotation to Afghanistan and a pothead interested in sampling some ‘B.C. bud’. If no one else comes forward, we may just go with the pot-head.”

Photo by: Gage Skidmore flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^