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Small Town Hunters Go Rogue

ODDD guy group declares war on drones

(SNN) - Alarmed townsfolk from Deer Hoof, Colorado have pushed through an ordinance which targets any unmanned, government drone flying into Hoof territory. The ordinance, written by the activist group ODDD (Order of Dudes Dropping Drones), grants hunting licenses to residents who are keen to shoot down the hated aerial intruders.  

The Sage learned that ODDD is making plans for an ongoing stake-out at Jim “Jumpy” Triggerfinger’s place on the east end of town.  Buck Hunter, the editor of the Outdoors section of the Hoof Herald, asked Triggerfinger about the stake-out. “ We’ll have Coors and Big Macs,” Triggerfinger said. “Oh, and an AK-47 for each ODDD member. They are so easy to get!  We’ll take turns on night watch. Them drones won’t be sneakin’ up on us!”  Hunter learned that Hoofs ‘N Dogs, the local corner store, will supply the night watch with free cups of Folger’s Coffee in exchange for a chance to hold an AK-47.

To ward off boredom, the ODDD guys are planning a contest to see who can shoot down the most drones each month. Fifty points per drone will be awarded. For each kid’s kite that gets shot down by mistake, ten points are taken away. The winner will get scrap from a dead drone to add to his trophy wall.  Move over, Bambi.

Relieved residents are grateful for the ordinance, especially Delbert “Lucky” Doolittle’s wife, Vixey. “Those drones will learn all of our secrets, Vixey stated.  " They will fly past our bedroom windows and send photo shots to the National Security Administration (NSA)!”  Upon learning of Vixey’s concern, Gabriella Givens, the town gossip, revealed that Vixey is worried that people will learn the truth about her bedroom attire. “She’s just afraid that folks will discover that her trips to Victoria’s Secret in Denver are fake. Vixey goes to bed in old sweats and an oversized T-Shirt with the logo, ‘Touch and You’re Toast’  It’s time for Delbert to drop the pretense and lose the nickname!”

In a phone call to Deer Hoof’s mayor’s office, Wannah B. Pilot, angry assistant to the assistant press clerk of the Federal Aviation Association (FAA), warned of potential injuries and probable criminal charges should a drone be shot down. “Shoot down a drone, and you’ll be thrown in the clinker!” Pilot yelled.  “Do you realize that you can kill somebody?”  Jumpy Triggerfinger, who is the part-time assistant to the mayor’s dog walker, took the call. “ We’re expert shooters here!” Triggerfinger retorted, “ It’s just like sawing a tree down; you make a cut the right way, it falls away from you.  If you shoot the right way, you can force a drone to fall in that empty lot behind my backyard; so, chill dude!”

Each permit will cost $100, with proceeds to be divided. The town coffers will rake in $5.00 a pop; $60 will go to the NRA, whose local members worked hard behind the scenes to help make the ordinance a reality. The remaining monies will go to the ODDD’s beer fund.

Photo: Some rights reserved by peretzp flickr photostreamThe Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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