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U.S. Sells Detroit To Canada

'It's North of Windsor Anyway'


(SNN) - Both federal and municipal officials have been hard at work to develop a plan to bail out cash-strapped Detroit and, according to the experts, the best option is to sell it to Canada. Other ideas were discussed but discarded as being un-American. One such plan involved forcing all new “green-card” recipients to do time, at least two years, in the city, before being allowed to move wherever they like.

Another scheme involved making the Motor City over into a “law-relaxed” zone where drug use, public drunkenness and rampant public sex are overlooked, much like they are in Amsterdam, Holland and most American colleges.

“It is an exciting development,” claimed Floyd Pink, Assistant to the Under-Secretary of the Greater Detroit Sewage and Waste-Water Commission, who is the highest ranking bureaucrat left at City Hall. “Given that provinces fund their major cities to the tune of almost 20% and we here in Detroit get bupkiss from Michigan, I believe we will be in much better long-term financial health as a Canadian city versus an American one.”

Plans are underway to ‘Canadianize’ the residents of Detroit that don’t flee the city in panic at the news of the nation change. Campaigns such as ‘Don’t Forget to Say Eh’ are in the works to help Detroit residents with the new reality. Despite these efforts, the plan has not been universally embraced.

“I don’t want to be no Canadian,” proclaimed Serengeti Brown who lives in a government housing development near downtown Detroit. “I hear them Canadian winters are wicked. I don’t want no part of them.”


Photo by: Anthony Easton  flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

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